The Art of Reinvention, Part 5

 

I thank you, Dear Readers for investing some of your precious time with me in your quest to become more of who you are; and of course the person who really deserves a lion’s share of the thanks is you! So find a mirrored surface and say, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” to yourself.

We have only been on this journey for a short time, and remember that you will always be journeying because your life on the planet will always be about becoming all of who you are meant to be. That doesn’t mean that you should be down on yourself for where you might currently find that you are at any given time. Instead, it means to look forward with expectancy toward the greater things ahead because you know in your heart that those great things are just awaiting your discovery.

And may I address greatness for a moment? Greatness has a different meaning  for different people… I have often lamented the fact that I’m just taking up space and not accomplishing fantastic, out of this world things. When I shared this with my therapist (Yes, I have one! I believe that we all need at least one unbiased person in our lives with whom we can have an honest conversation about any- and everything), she suggested that I work on coming to terms with the idea that not everything worthwhile has to be on a super-grand scale. Hmm-mm. You see, I am guilty of having always functioned in a superwoman mode, and when various things in life happened to me, my cape was taken away, but my superwoman belief system was still deeply ingrained in my psyche.

Sometimes, we put too much pressure on ourselves to achieve what we perceive are the big things because we equate worthy with big.  When we do that, we completely overlook the little things that have the power to mean so much to someone else. Example: I had to provide a Bio because I was sitting on a prestigious panel some years ago, and I was in a panic because I knew that the other women were “grand” in their accomplishments and then there was me.  What had I done -- nothing!?  Imagine my shock and bug eyes when my husband started listing the things that I had done. Wow! I. Was. Impressed. You see, many times the things that we do which are just automatic and normal to us because “we do what we do,” but to someone else, those very things are something to admire and to which another can aspire, and believe that they can reach because they saw that it had been done before; and you gave that gift of belief to them.

Also remember that you’re not in this thing all by yourself. We are all connected. Everything and everyone on the planet flows one into the other. Ask questions that will help you, but remember to use caution because everyone won’t be in your corner. Some people have not learned that there is enough for everybody in this world, and their scarcity thinking keeps them from wanting to share what they know because they are afraid that if you get something, then they won’t have enough. Believe in goodness, but watch your back.

As you continue to reassess yourself and adjust the direction of your travel, check in with your compass and then take the time to give yourself a thumbs up because you are the first and the most important one who needs to believe in yourself and where you’re going.  Until we meet again, Happy Trails!

For the space of this one moment, think a beautiful thought.
                                                               ...Sarah McCormick

Chasing Lupus with Chemo

  And so it begins...  I knew exactly when those six tiny pills entered my bloodstream -- I felt a jolt like slamming into a tree.  Next came lightheadedness and feeling that I was totally out of my body.  I was tempted to take to my bed or at least my recliner, but that little voice told me to do my best to function in a normal manner, so I sat down at my desk and worked on my novel.  It was a bit difficult to settle into writing at first because my mind was juttering around, but I determined that I would adhere to my normal routine as much as possible.  Later, I even worked in my garden for awhile since it was such a very beautiful day.

I expected to be bent over the toilet bowl, but I am already married to ginger products because of my "sensitive" digestive tract and I decided that I needed to step it up.  I did very well until a couple of hours ago when I had to make sure I remained very close to the porcelain throne because I feel as though I'm about to upchuck stuff I digested last week.  I'm on my way to make more ginger tea because I'm afraid to go to bed -- just changed the sheets today and don't want to soil them with already digested food and beverage items.

Methotrexate is administered weekly and I'm looking forward to a better experience than previously (by the time I started feeling human again, it was time for another dose), but I'm off to an inauspicious beginning; however, if I can get my Life back on track, it will have been worth it!

Off for ginger preparation.  Hope you enjoy a wonderful slumber tonight.

Be well.

"simple pleasures feed the soul"

--------Flavia

Ecoute en francais!

The Art of Reinvention, Part 4

We're approaching the end of the series...How're you coming along?  Please keep in mind that if you do the work, the results will come.  In other words, while you have a somewhat solid idea of the result that you would like to achieve, you must live in the present and put one foot in front of the other, living life one day at a time.  No regrets over what is behind you, because you are moving forward; yet no projecting into tomorrow, for the future is only imagined.  Concentrate on today -- what you can engage in right now.

I am a not so dedicated student of the Tao de Ching, and the first verse encourages us to be desireless and the mystery will be revealed.  I choose that to mean, just do the work... 

In addition to your consultation with Life Coaches, there are several published works which I have found helpful.  A few of them are: 

• The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle
• Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, by Wayne Dyer 
• Lessons in Becoming Myself, by Ellen Burtstyn (an autobiography)

I'm sure there are many more, and by all means, do some exploration on your own to find what resonates with you.  Careful though -- you don't want to take to heart everything that you read to try and make it fit your particular situation.  That would be false movement and is guaranteed to set you back.  Remember that you don't want to be someone else.  You just want to become more of who you are -- the more that you were created to be.

And while I believe that the most important work that we can do is on the inside, I have to say that there's nothing wrong with doing a little sumthin'-sumthin' about the outside.  Yes.  I do believe in diva-liciousness, and if one of the items on your list (in my humble opinion, it definitely should be), is to become more financially responsible, you can access that Diva (or Divo) by doing some not so difficult searching for the best bang for your buck.  That means having a plan and not just heading out willy-nilly, blowing up your bank account.  Begin with one total look that makes you feel on top of the world and create it based on something that you already own and love; then go from there.  Example:  Say that you have a ferocious black skirt...add a belted white shirt and an animal print scarf; shoes can be black or taupe; hoop earrings on your lobes, and you have put the "O" in outfit.  If you don't care for the full make-up, at least slick a on a becoming lipgloss (everyone doesn't look good with fuschia lips).  How do you feel?  See how easy that was; and you just substitute another shirt or blouse and scarf for a different, but still sharply pulled together look.  You go, Girl! Guys, same principle (no sans hoops, etc.), and it's actually a little easier for you because you can change your basic look by adding a different tie and belt, or rolling your sleeves up a few turns for that casual pulled-together look.  Please shave! Very few men can get away with the scruffy, unshaven look that some in the entertainment industry have chosen to effect.  The ones who look fairly decent with facial hair probably pay a barber $600 a pop to achieve that unkempt look.

Back to the inside...  An exercise referred to by psychotherapists as Morning Pages, can be very helpful in getting out the stuff that is bottled up and just sitting on your heart and in your head; some of which you don't fully realize is there.  In this exercise, you begin writing first thing in the morning; whatever wants to flow from your pen onto the paper, just let it fly.  No worries about style, grammar, etc.  These words and thoughts are from deep inside and they need to see the light of day, to free your inside space for something else.  After you have finished, you can read what you have written or not; then trash it.  The goal is just to get it out.  I have sometimes read what I've written just so I would know, ya know?  The possible danger in that though is taking it back in, which voids the exercise.  If you do choose to read it, please remember to toss it.  It will come out again in a subsequent morning page if you have re-internalized it.

This goal of reinvention is intensive and is ongoing because as long as we are taking breath on this planet, we do not remain the same.  The only constant in life is change, and we can choose to evolve to our highest self, or we can be dragged along with whichever tide snags us.  What is your choice?

"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated."

-- Maya Angelou

Another Short

DeConstructing The Smile

As Maria's brain was eased into consciousess by sunbeams fighting their way past the grime that probably held the windowpanes together, she rolled over and hung her head over the bed as her fingers grabbed for the pitiful, pitted basin on the floor... Up came a nasty mix of rum, wine and the gods knew what all else.  When she was empty, she wanted to hurl the mess against the wall, but that only meant she'd have to clean it up herself, so she set the basin softy down and eased over onto her back, butt-scooting away from the edge of the bed.

Maria had wandered into this inn after she had run away from her dull existence in the country.  Her family life was safe, secure and her elderly parents doted on her, but she was dying of boredom; or so she had thought.  So, she scribbled the few words she knew how to spell on a note and hitched a ride on a passing oxcart in the middle of a brilliantly beautiful day.  But she had exchanged one type of boredom for another; exchanged fresh, clean air and deliciously prepared food for fetidness and tasteless slop.

As she lay on the rough, stained and rumpled sheet, she replayed the previous years that had found what she thought would be freedom in her escape to the big city, become a prison, as she debased herself with the assistance of helpful city dwellers.  Five long years that had passed in the blink of an eye. 

But, oh, she had become very, very good at what she did.  Not only did she entertain the coarsest of men (and a few women), but she was often secreted into the bedrooms of highbrow customers, as well.  On this day, Maria chose to escape her present life, just as she had chosen when she left the farm.  She had a barely formed plan to travel to the other side of the country.  She knew that her newly formed wits would guide her forward...

                      *******************************

"Oh, look at that enigmatic smile on such a poised and sweet-looking young woman."  Maria, aka DaVinci's Mona Lisa, enjoys the joke she's playing, as she overhears this comment over and over.

Keep Your Dreams Alive

We sometimes speak of dreaming a new dream...but is it a new dream we should be after, or the grit and guts to do whatever it takes to realize the dream we already hold in our hearts?

If we continually abandon one dream in search of a new one, then we are in a continuous state of running away. "Cut and run" is one colloquial term that I can recall.

No; I urge you to hold on to that dream that makes your heart shiver and your stomach flutter.  Seek and you shall find.  Knock and the door will be opened.  Jesus was nothing if not a pragmatist.

Go well.

"Attitude is the mind's paintbrush; it can color any situation."
                              --Barbara Johnson

The Art of Reinvention, Part 3

How's it going for you?  Have you made your outline following the questions that I posed previously; and have you begun your journey in actuality or are you living it out in your head first?

For some of us, working things out in our minds is what gives us comfort and the confidence to actually begin the task. Everyone has their own method of accomplishing their work.  Then again, for others of us, saying that we're working it out in our heads first is just a way for us to procrastinate and avoid taking action; so be honest with yourself.  Remember, there's no shame in asking for help.  I would venture to say that most things of great import require a little assistance; in the arena of moral support, if nothing else.

Please allow me to reiterate that a reinvention does not necessarily mean a huge or grandiose change.  It can be just a tweaking of the way that you think about issues; or choosing to broaden your horizons or expand your mind.  One of my favorite (para) phrases is, "If you don't like the road you're on, make yourself a new road."  That thought comes from the late Mrs. Annie Johnson of Stamps, Arkansas, who was the grandmother of the late (and fantastic!) Dr. Maya Angelou. In choosing to change her current circumstances, Mrs. Johnson said that she looked up the road and down the road, and since she didn't like either one, she decided to make herself a new road.  Now, although the term was probably not in vogue at the time, what Mrs. Annie Johnson did was practice the art of reinvention, and she achieved great success with that decision.  It took hard work and dedication on her part, but she decided what she wanted and she went after it.

My current venture in reinvention concerns the way I think about aging.  I never thought that I would have a problem with getting older, but then I don't think any of us really give it any real thought until we wake up and realize that not only are not twenty-five anymore, we're not even forty-five.  We look in the mirror and although we still look good, we definitely look older, and in a culture where youth is the end-all, be-all, it's very easy to allow a low-level panic to set in.  Then comes breaking the bank to buy all the following skin creams:  anti-wrinkle, anti-sag, pore minimizer, skin tone balancer, complexion brightener, collagen replenisher, etc., etc.  Yep, been there, done that, even as I pretended that I really wasn't bothered -- otherwise known as denial.  And it's not just the face...there's the body that decides to do its own thing.  Yes, gravity is real. (You can fight it with hard work, though... 77-yr old bodybuilder, Ernestine Shepherd)

The good news is that I finally admitted that I was having a problem about looking older (actually getting older is a great thing considering the alternative!) and my therapist pointed me to a very helpful, insightful, and humorous book, "Getting Over Getting Older," by Letty Cottin Pogrebin.  I admit that I read through it halfway and thought I had my problem licked.  Not so, although I'm happy to report that I'm now where I was when I began the process.  I now keep the book in plain view because it will be a reference book for another minute or two, I do believe.  I have made some progress on the body front, too, and have become more comfortable with (sometimes) allowing my curves to be free of constricting shapewear.  Honestly, some of those garments are bound (no pun intended) to fuse two or more organs together!

You always want to keep in mind that when you consider reinventing yourself, it's not something to be taken lightly and attempted just for its own sake.  Change for the sake of change is never a good idea.  What do you want to change and why?  Is the reason true and honest?  Is the considered change for you or for someone else?  Even if the change is something that does need to happen, if you haven't embraced it for yourself and are instead attempting to placate someone else, you won't achieve real and lasting success.

One more thing...

                                 "Where the mind goes, the behind follows."  --  Randolph Wilkerson

Apps Worth Having

If you are already addicted to your smartphone, perhaps I should apologize for adding something else for you to obsess over...?  Check out these apps:

• Sleep Cycle -- this app measures the quality of your sleep, gives you time spent in bed per night, and after five nights, keeps a running tab of the number of nights, weeks, and average nightly hours. It shows what time you went to bed and what time you arose. My favorite feature is the wake up phase because your alarm wakes you softly when you are in your lightest sleep state so that you aren't jarred awake.  And yes, you can choose to set an alarm from your music library, as well as choosing random alarm sounds.  Cost:  .99

• SpanishDict -- This app helps you learn Spanish with word of the day, which you can explore with the illustration of conjugation and demonstration of phrases using the word, and you can choose to listen to the correct pronunciation; has a vocabulary word game; phrasebook with different categories; i.e., greetings, directions, shopping, restaurants, etc. This app is FREE.

• Public Radio Player -- If you enjoy Public Radio, this app exposes you to a great many programs covering a myriad of subjects from public radio stations across the country.  Two really interesting programs I've discovered are "HowSound," and "RadioLab."                            This app is FREE. 

 

Smooth Melody

Her name is Yuna, a beautiful Malaysian songstress... 
The music this young lady puts down is smooth enough to allow you to have it playing even as you concentrate on other tasks, including studying. The instrumentation is Ready...this is music, ladies and gents.  Enjoy.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3baQwUrTxzE

Condolence

Native American Poem of Condolences

I give you this one thought to keep -- I am 

with you still -- I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond

glints on the snow, I am the sunlight on ripened

grain, I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am

the swift, uplifting rush of quiet birds in

circled flight, I am the soft stars that

shine at night.

Do not think of me as gone -- I am with you still --

in each new dawn.

Relationships

"Friends"

When we fell lost and alone

When we feel weak and worthless

When we feel abandoned, betrayed,

and without hope

It's such a blessing to have a

Friend.

Unity

"Us"

Humans marvel and exclaim wonder at no two snowflakes

being exactly alike.

Where, then, is that splendid awe

when no two people

are exactly the same?

The Art of Reinvention, Part 2

As previously discussed, in order to become more of who you are meant to be, the essential questions must be asked and answered.  Then you have to get moving because nothing happens by itself.

It is frightening to contemplate change, even a change for the better, because after all, it's still an unknown and we fear what we don't know.  But we can get it done with a little bit of determination and chutzpah.  This is your change, but it's okay to ask for help.  Just make sure you ask in the right quarter.  Remember the third question I asked in Part I: "What will you lose (and whom)...?"  There will be someone, or maybe two or three someones who will gladly obstruct your path as you work to uncover more of who you really are.  You see, some people aren't going to want you to become more because they will interpret your moreness as somehow making them less than.  Keep your eyes open and cut those folks loose, or at the very least feed them from a long-handled spoon.  Whether you change or remain the same, you always need people in your life who have your best interest at heart.  As the late Dr. Maya Angelou said, "When people tell you who they are, believe them...the first time."

If you think that you need help in finding direction and settling your ideas down, you might consider a life coach.  If you live in a major city, the local yellow pages are a resource; otherwise, search online at www.yellowpages.com and enter a larger city to which you would be willing to travel.  Bear in mind that some life coaches list themselves as counselors because they usually offer other services as well.  Whomever you choose will be working for you as well as with you, so make sure it's a good fit; and if it isn't, continue your search.  If you have trouble quitting people, remind yourself that this person is a professional whom you are paying, and not a friend or relative.  This can be a good exercise to help you build up that surgical muscle so that any future necessary dis-entanglements of the personal kind can be accomplished a little more easily.

Is your desired reinvention based on your physical appearance?  Do you hate your thighs or think that your gluteus has too much maximus?  Sometimes, we can be can be too self-critical when it comes to our own bodies; and sometimes we allow the opinions of others to dictate how we think that we should look.  If you decide that there truly is a need to change your physical appearance, maintaining it will still require an inside change.  You'll want to acquaint yourself with people who are where you want to be, and learn their habits and the tricks they use to discipline themselves because discipline is what helps you to win every time.  Just make sure the people you choose to emulate are in possession of the attributes that would make you feel great pride and self-confidence in yourself.  Make sure there is some substance there.

And remember:

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.  --Unknown

One Of The Faces of The Wolf (Lupus)

Every Autumn since I was diagnosed with Lupus, I have suffered from at least one bout of bronchitis, so when Autumn came and went with no undue respiratory distress, I thought:  Hey Girl, you got away clean!  But then. Winter comes in and on Christmas Day ugly things began to happen.  

Fast forward to today, two months later, and I am finally coming out of the Bronchitis From Hell, with the assistance of three rounds of antibiotics and a round of corticosteroids. But. I am now contending with Pleurisy, which is a bronchial condition common among those with Lupus.

I have been confined to my home except to go to doctor visits, and each time I left my house, I felt like I'd been let out of prison! Orange Is The New Black Reloaded, that was me! If I'd had my six-gun, I would've been shooting and disturbing the peace until Marshal Dillon rode up to haul my sweet *ss to jail.

I am once again feeling like a human bean, thank the good Lord because one can only lie around the house watching movies and reading for just so long, when it's not by choice.  I had to lie/sit around because I had absolutely no energy due to the bronchitis causing the Lupus to rear her head and bare her fangs, then run rampant telling my immune system to attack every single cell in sight, not just the malevolent, foreign ones. Most of you know your immune systems to be your friends. In a person with Lupus, the immune system is the enemy.

I fully intend to be out and among the rest of the human race in a few days, so if you have any kind of anything, or if you even think that you might be getting something, please don't even look in my direction.  Let me enjoy freedom again, PLEASE!

The Art of Reinvention, Part 1

(I authored this series [Pts 1-5] for Osiris Magazine in 2010)

 
Why reinvent yourself?  Isn't that a bit of a daunting task? And how will you know when the task is complete? What will you lose (and whom); and what is to be gained?

With all of those questions to be answered, are you tired already and ready to quit before you begin? Take heart and breathe...it's not as hard as all that. We're going to eat this particular elephant one bite at a time.

Reinvention is happening all across America, and perhaps the world, because the state of the economy has so altered the status quo. The terrain has changed so drastically, and what was once a fairly straight path in whatever chosen career or chosen lifestyle has become a path that zigs and zags.

For some of us, it's a very scary reality. For others, it's the chance of a lifetime -- a chance to venture down the road not taken, that perhaps you were discouraged from exploring before because it wasn't "practical".

So, let's look at this reinvention rationally and begin to dissect it in as painless a way as possible.  Now I know that there are those who might be a little (or a lot) skeptical that this can actually work for you and possibly turn out to be an absolutely marvelous change in your life.  I'm asking yo to just keep somewhat of an open mind.

As human beings, we tap into a very, very small portion (approximately ten percent) of our abilities and capabilities during our lifetimes. Now many of us are being forced to see what else we can accomplish. Yes, you are much greater than you have given yourself credit for. You can accomplish what the Universe has set aside for only you. No one else can do what the Universe and God has decreed that you do, because only you are perfectly equipped for it.

Have you ever taken the time to list the things that you have a great affinity for? It doesn't matter if someone else thinks it's stupid. This is about you, not them. Let them concentrate on their own list (or not), but don't allow someone else to derail you. This is your life for you to live.

Alright. Can you find or create a niche that would enable you to make a living and a life doing that for which you have a true affinity and in which you find marvelous delight? If the answer is no, that's okay -- don't throw in the towel...because this thing speaks to your heart, and you might just have to pursue it on the side and accept heart payment for a little while; and that's good, because paying your heart is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

If you were to see yourself pursuing this work of the heart full time, what would you look like pursuing it? What would you wear? How would your hair be styled (or not)? Would it be a solitary venture or would you spend a lot of time with other people; and if the latter, what kind of people would you choose to share your space? Where do you see yourself pursuing this dream? These are the kinds of questions to answer as you move toward your reinvention.

No, they aren't lightweight questions, are they? You want heavy questions so that you can make the very best of tapping into this other facet of who you are, for even though the conventional term is reinvention, it's really just revealing more of who you already are and releasing that more into the world.

Okay -- we have a place to begin, so let's get busy. We'll explore this further next session, and in the meantime I would like to leave you with this:

One of the greatest feelings in life is the conviction that you lived the life you wanted to live -- with the rough and the smooth, the good and the bad -- but yours, shaped by your own choices, and not someone else's. _____Michael Ignatieff