Chasing Lupus with Chemo

  And so it begins...  I knew exactly when those six tiny pills entered my bloodstream -- I felt a jolt like slamming into a tree.  Next came lightheadedness and feeling that I was totally out of my body.  I was tempted to take to my bed or at least my recliner, but that little voice told me to do my best to function in a normal manner, so I sat down at my desk and worked on my novel.  It was a bit difficult to settle into writing at first because my mind was juttering around, but I determined that I would adhere to my normal routine as much as possible.  Later, I even worked in my garden for awhile since it was such a very beautiful day.

I expected to be bent over the toilet bowl, but I am already married to ginger products because of my "sensitive" digestive tract and I decided that I needed to step it up.  I did very well until a couple of hours ago when I had to make sure I remained very close to the porcelain throne because I feel as though I'm about to upchuck stuff I digested last week.  I'm on my way to make more ginger tea because I'm afraid to go to bed -- just changed the sheets today and don't want to soil them with already digested food and beverage items.

Methotrexate is administered weekly and I'm looking forward to a better experience than previously (by the time I started feeling human again, it was time for another dose), but I'm off to an inauspicious beginning; however, if I can get my Life back on track, it will have been worth it!

Off for ginger preparation.  Hope you enjoy a wonderful slumber tonight.

Be well.

"simple pleasures feed the soul"

--------Flavia

Ecoute en francais!

The Art of Reinvention, Part 4

We're approaching the end of the series...How're you coming along?  Please keep in mind that if you do the work, the results will come.  In other words, while you have a somewhat solid idea of the result that you would like to achieve, you must live in the present and put one foot in front of the other, living life one day at a time.  No regrets over what is behind you, because you are moving forward; yet no projecting into tomorrow, for the future is only imagined.  Concentrate on today -- what you can engage in right now.

I am a not so dedicated student of the Tao de Ching, and the first verse encourages us to be desireless and the mystery will be revealed.  I choose that to mean, just do the work... 

In addition to your consultation with Life Coaches, there are several published works which I have found helpful.  A few of them are: 

• The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle
• Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, by Wayne Dyer 
• Lessons in Becoming Myself, by Ellen Burtstyn (an autobiography)

I'm sure there are many more, and by all means, do some exploration on your own to find what resonates with you.  Careful though -- you don't want to take to heart everything that you read to try and make it fit your particular situation.  That would be false movement and is guaranteed to set you back.  Remember that you don't want to be someone else.  You just want to become more of who you are -- the more that you were created to be.

And while I believe that the most important work that we can do is on the inside, I have to say that there's nothing wrong with doing a little sumthin'-sumthin' about the outside.  Yes.  I do believe in diva-liciousness, and if one of the items on your list (in my humble opinion, it definitely should be), is to become more financially responsible, you can access that Diva (or Divo) by doing some not so difficult searching for the best bang for your buck.  That means having a plan and not just heading out willy-nilly, blowing up your bank account.  Begin with one total look that makes you feel on top of the world and create it based on something that you already own and love; then go from there.  Example:  Say that you have a ferocious black skirt...add a belted white shirt and an animal print scarf; shoes can be black or taupe; hoop earrings on your lobes, and you have put the "O" in outfit.  If you don't care for the full make-up, at least slick a on a becoming lipgloss (everyone doesn't look good with fuschia lips).  How do you feel?  See how easy that was; and you just substitute another shirt or blouse and scarf for a different, but still sharply pulled together look.  You go, Girl! Guys, same principle (no sans hoops, etc.), and it's actually a little easier for you because you can change your basic look by adding a different tie and belt, or rolling your sleeves up a few turns for that casual pulled-together look.  Please shave! Very few men can get away with the scruffy, unshaven look that some in the entertainment industry have chosen to effect.  The ones who look fairly decent with facial hair probably pay a barber $600 a pop to achieve that unkempt look.

Back to the inside...  An exercise referred to by psychotherapists as Morning Pages, can be very helpful in getting out the stuff that is bottled up and just sitting on your heart and in your head; some of which you don't fully realize is there.  In this exercise, you begin writing first thing in the morning; whatever wants to flow from your pen onto the paper, just let it fly.  No worries about style, grammar, etc.  These words and thoughts are from deep inside and they need to see the light of day, to free your inside space for something else.  After you have finished, you can read what you have written or not; then trash it.  The goal is just to get it out.  I have sometimes read what I've written just so I would know, ya know?  The possible danger in that though is taking it back in, which voids the exercise.  If you do choose to read it, please remember to toss it.  It will come out again in a subsequent morning page if you have re-internalized it.

This goal of reinvention is intensive and is ongoing because as long as we are taking breath on this planet, we do not remain the same.  The only constant in life is change, and we can choose to evolve to our highest self, or we can be dragged along with whichever tide snags us.  What is your choice?

"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated."

-- Maya Angelou